WANTED: Someone to play WOW for me

In an effort to prevent this site from becoming too much of a hellish nightmare-scape of brilliant perspectives, intellectually-stimulating arguments, and finely-crafted articulations about current events and Who America Is? I am submitting to the jury, Evidence #2 that occasionally I play World of Warcraft, and even more occasionally, I have some real shit-takes to offer the world.

In my first and last entry in this topic, I wrote about the scholarly ladies and gentlemen of the Arthas Realm. Today, I might wander into transmogging as an addiction, or maybe offer some random thoughts in general as to how this goddamn game still gets my attention.


So I’m in this guild.


And in this guild I’ve gotten a reputation for being an achievement hunter, because I fuckin’ am, and I’m better at it than most of you mooks.

The last two big ones were the 100 Exalted achieve within the last couple months, and Loremaster about six months earlier. Let’s not go into the hows or the whys or the whos to blame of WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, PUBLIUS?! Let’s just say that sometimes people understand that I grind shit out.

Which is stupid, and it is sooo fuckin boring sometimes. To give an example of the grind, for those in the know, I went from 65 to 100 exalted factions in the June-September timeframe. Most of that was gated by raid lockouts. It’s an ugly picture of relentless clicking.

Fuck you, Blizzard! And fuck you, Blizzard psychologists and game developers! And fuck you too, me!

For those of you outta the know who are still somehow here, going from 65 to 100 exalted factions in that timeframe is like constructing a house, by hand, by yourself – WHEN YOU HAVE A FULLTIME JOB ALREADY.

I mean, Jesus, what was I thinking? I mean, at least I didn’t play Classic, but WTF, Publius!?!

Anyway, so after that was all said and done I took a break, and then some more break. Then I came back and one of my friends had ileveled his (or her, not trying to assume genders) Rogue past mine, effectively making their’s better.


But I couldn’t keep up since this feral individual is arguably better than me. So I contemplated transmogging more stuff, and got back at everyone by creating the coolest transmog you’ve never seen. No I will not link it.

Then I realized how goddamn silly I was being, and stopped amassing a Kardashian’s worth of outfits to make myself look cooler than everyone.

Then I did something worse. I logged in one day and saw that it was WoW’s 15th Anniversary.

And, as with every anniversary, they make it a superfast leveling event. That now lasts until January. So I have something in common now with the people of Utqiagvik (Barrow) Alaska – I will also not be seeing the sunlight until January.

It probably won’t be this bad, since I still have a job, but I’ve got a bunch of low-level toons I created just to troll my guild.

How troll, Publius?

You troll your guild by creating new toons that have the same name as some of your guildies, which is especially fun if you can match up the class. Bonus points if get a dungeon group together of nothing more than people all named the same shit. Anyway.

So there I was, with 5-9 new toons to potentially level, and having not leveled a tank or a healer for a while. Or some other specs, like Fire Mage and Assassin Rogue.

By the way, Fire Mages are ridiculously overpowered. I’ve said it before to my guildie fire mages, and I’ve hurled #crymoar insults at fire mages I’ve played against in battlegrounds. My “Submit One Official Complaint To Blizzard Every Day” policy includes many articulations for the “FIRE MAGE IS OP! FIXNOW!” whambulance. Then I made one and holy shit is it still true!

Anyway, look for me out there, I’ll be the motherfucker whose name is the same as five other motherfuckers.

UPDATE: [Jan. 7, 2020]: I have now only logged in twice in the past three weeks – once to run Mythic Legion raids with guildies and getting only so far as completing Emerald Dream until my Johnny Walker Red Label decided that I couldn’t play anymore, and once to wish everyone a Happy New Year. Except if you’re on Arthas, than have a Shitty New Year! So basically I completely missed out most of the rest of the leveling opportunity that came from the anniversary event, and now will have to play catch up to 8.3. whenever I log back in.

Unless I keep playing Fallout 4 and Diablo 3. Then all bets are off.

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