I’m not taking it back. I’ve never listened to the man’s music, not out of spite or some misbegotten notion that I was somehow better than it, it’s that my fuckin music list is long AF (as the kids say) and I haven’t gotten to it yet.
Someday, if I get to that music, I’ll update this post. Right here in this red space, where all you miserable motherfuckin pieces of trash can read it. If you can read.
Recently, an “article” by Andrew WK has been making the rounds on the social. I quoted article back there because it’s essentially an advice column, which I usually have little time for, being American and somesuch.
In one of the letters asking the great and terrible Andrew WK for advice, a seeker noted that his relationship with family has deteriorated because of politics. How fix? the seeker continues.
WK, never one to miss out on a party, jumped aboard the Centralist Bandwagon.
For the record, Centralist Bandwagon is the name of my post-punk Electric Light Orchestra cover band.
In an ideal world, Andrew WK would be right. But, and here’s the fun part: In an ideal world, his words wouldn’t be needed in the first place. We’ve talked about population distribution curves before, and in a normal environment it’s usually the same – that is to say, most people fall somewhere in the middle.
However, when males formerly known as men are walking around in a coordinated fashion in 2019 America, there’s something amiss that the “moderate at all costs can’t address.” Doubly so when those boys are repping the flags for the USA’S former bitter enemies: the Confederate States of America and the Third Reich.
In his otherwise sensical rant, Andrew WK says that basically, “We’re all in this together, friendo,” and everyone on social went PEACE/LOVE crazy because apparently that’s what you do when you see someone apply an otherwise reasonable argument while forgetting the context of current events shaping the need for such a question in the first goddamn place.
That’s where it turns nonsensical. See, the “Be excellent to each other, and PARTY ON DUDES” argument works well in the context of the Bill and Ted movies – and as an aside, I’m happy as fuck to see a third one coming out someday, just because Keanu gets to do some silly shit once in a while too – but it doesn’t work when placed against the backdrop of the resurgent Nazi and Confederate movements, which are at the core completely intolerant.
“We’re all in this together,” WK concludes to wild Internet applause. I sneered and didn’t applaud, because I only clap for exceptional performances, of which WK has never delivered.
The whole premise is built on moderation, which is good for the middle portion of any normal population distribution curve. Again, this is typically where most people exist. It ignores the fringes, which can be done when the fringes don’t have political power, influence with law enforcement, and guns Guns GUNS.
In short, WK advocated taking the centralist stance in the most divided time in recent American history to heal the division. Nevermind the notion that when men who used to be Americans are marching in the streets waving Nazi and Confederate flags, they’re the ones calling for irreparable division to continue.
You know, the Confederates and Nazis, those motherfuckers who waged two of the bloodiest wars that the United States of America was ever involved in. Here’s a refresher, from Mean Ol’ Publius himself/herself.
The problem, if you unwashed masses of illiterate peasants have not yet understood it: is that WK’s actively ignoring the problem. The problem to be addressed first isn’t whether or not dad, or daughter, or crazy uncle or wacky aunt or racist grandma can’t shut the fuck up about politics at Thanksgiving dinner. That’s been going on since Hallmark and the frozen food industry invented family dinners.
Those minor differences aren’t tearing us apart. The Nazis and Confederates are, and they want it that way. The easiest thing for any American to do should be to say (say it with me now):
Simply saying that we should put our differences aside in the face of such rampant hostility against their fellow Earthlings is ludicrous. I say, it’s farcical. I won’t have it, not in my America.
I surely won’t allow it to go unchallenged in the America that the Greatest Generation saved from Nazis, and the previous Greatest Generation had saved from Confederates, just for those two movements to thrive again because partiers-turned-advice columnists like Andrew WK decided that the party against the resurgent forces of vileness and human corruption is a party that’s just too hard to have.