On April 20, 2008, it became self-aware of the possibilities of social media.

  • Anonymous Rants
  • Feelings of Unabashed Superiority
  • An Apathetic yet Frustrated Audience
  • The Best Things You’ll Ever Read

Book it. Done.
On November 25, 2012, it declared an all-out, self-serving and completely useless war against propaganda of many forms, the incorrect usage of the term ‘memes’, and the goddamn  predilection users of the ‘tubes have to forego free, near-infinite knowledge in favor of pictures of cats.
“Right? Cats as an invasive species in the real world AND on the ‘Net! Bullshit! Tell them about bread and circuses next so you can sound smart.”
“That’s enough outta you, goddamnit. Get back in the basement.”
It’s purpose is to yell at you, or society-at-large, or the clouds (most likely those bastard cumulus fractus sonsabitches!). If it’s doing it right, your purpose will be to get yelled at.
“It’s not you. It’s me. But mostly you.”
The following list is a short conspiracy of topics that need addressing:

  • God
  • Corporate Media
  • Willful Ignorance
  • Domestic Policy
  • Foreign Policy
  • Higher Education
  • Lower Education
  • Whatever the fuck it wants
  • Swearing
  • The Hobbit movies

It refuses to gain steam by writing about Internet shenanigans, hipsters or cats, but those are topics trademarked by /b/tards, reddit, and imgur, respectively. It doesn’t care what’s trending on twitter and can’t be reasoned with. The lone exception is fake accounts of dead presidents.
It is not sorry for the outburst, as it hasn’t had any whiskey today and tonight’s episode of The Walking Dead was a stressful ordeal. Outbursts will continue until morale improves.

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